I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, pen, cell phone, temper, and my mind.
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Q: What do you call a dumb omnivore?
A: A meathead!
My brain said “crunches” but my stomach auto-corrected it to “cupcakes.”
Q: How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cow?
A: One if nobody’s looking.
A funny thing with a diet, the second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you’re off it.
How do most people curb their appetite? At the drive thru window.
My snack got lost in my purse, so I guess I’m on a diet now.—@msgweni
You don’t lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
You have a Slim-Fast for breakfast, a Slim-Fast for lunch; then, you eat a “sensible dinner.” How sensible are you going to be after eating powder all day?