Every time I start a diet I hear the Mission Impossible theme song in my head.
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I wish I hated pizza as much as pizza hates me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’ve never met herbivore.
I’m going to open up a low carb bakery and I’m going to call it No Bun Intended.
You don’t lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
Definition of Calories: Tiny creatures colonizing your closet. They sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.
Diet tip: Your pants won’t get too tight if you don’t wear any.
Q: Why go to the paint store when you’re on a diet?
A: You can get thinner there.
Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper? He sold his soul to seitan!