The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”—@behindyourback
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Q: How did Native Americans say vegetarian?
A: “Bad hunter!”
I don’t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap the unhealthy foods out of my hand.
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
I’m on day 2 of a “diet” which means I’m always one minor annoyance away from eating every single person in my office.
I tell people I’m on a low-carb diet. But in reality, I just eat pasta while lying on the floor.
Wouldn’t it be so great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?
Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two…alone. —”Laugh Yourself Healthy,” by Charles Hunter
When someone asks me if I quit my diet… not only did I fall off the diet wagon, I dragged it into the woods, set it on fire, and used the insurance money to buy Twinkies.