The Key To Eating Healthy…
The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.
—Comedian Mike Birbiglia
More Jokes
What Poor Timing
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I’m going to miss mine by just a few days.
—Garrison Keillor
Mild, Mild West
I think a lot of the conflict that happened in the Wild West could’ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
Seen on reddit.com
Role Playing
My girlfriend likes to role-play. For the past five years, she’s been playing my ex-girlfriend.
Can I Get a Yee-Haw?
Country music has always been the best shrink that 15 bucks can buy.
—Dierks Bentley
Karen Kilgariff On The Walking Dead
Watch The Walking Dead with someone who’s super into it so every time a zombie appears, you can pull the old, “Wait, who’s this, now?”
@KarenKilgariff
Employee of the Month
Employee of the Month is a good example of when a person can be a winner and a loser at the same time.
One-Topping Mind
Did you ever notice that from the time you hang up the phone until the pizza guy shows up, the only conversation you have is “Where’s the guy with our pizza?”
—Comedian Bob Marley
