I heard Bruce Willis is trying to lose weight. Apparently, he's trying to "Diet Hard."
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I know it’s three meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
Q: How many carnivores does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to stay in the dark!
“If you lose weight when you stop drinking Diet Coke imagine how much we’d lose if we stopped dieting.”—@JimGaffigan
Q: Why go to the paint store when you’re on a diet?
A: You can get thinner there.
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.
Q: What do you call a dumb omnivore?
A: A meathead!
D.I.E.T. = Did I Eat That?
Q. What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?
A. A beer in each hand.