Q: Why don’t cats like shopping online?
A: They prefer a cat-alogues.
Jokes
Looking for funny jokes? Settle in: You're in the right place. From clean knock-knock jokes and the top corny jokes to hilarious one-liners and clever riddles, we've got the jokes guaranteed to bring on serious laughs.
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Cat Computer
Q: Why was the cat sitting on the computer?
A: He was keeping an eye on the mouse!
Mixed with Vinegar
Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar?
A: A sourpuss!
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Cat’s Pajamas
Q: What do cats wear at night?
A: Paw-jamas.
Octopus or Cat?
Q: What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?
A: An octo-puss.
First Aid Kitty
Q: Why did the cat join the Red Cross?
A: She wanted to be a first-aid kit!
Copycats
Q: There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?
A: None, because they were all a bunch of copycats.
After a fish shares his opinion
Let minnow what you think.
When all the catnip is gone
You have cat to be kitten me right now.
A whale is always right
Whale, whale, whale...look who was right again.
When a hawk falls off a branch
Well, this is hawkward.
When an otter needs personal space
Get otter here!
Seal jokes
That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!
Lonely Owl
I'm owl by myself.
Annoying Giraffe
You're giraffing me crazy.
Panda Madness
This is pandamonium!
When a dolphin makes a mistake…
I didn't do it on porpoise.
Land and T
Q. Why is an island like the letter T?
A. They're both in the middle of water!
Doing Time
Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar? He got twelve months.
Pedestrian Crossing
Q. A man was driving a truck. His headlights weren’t on, and the moon wasn’t out. Ahead of him, a woman dressed in all black started crossing the road. Fortunately,...
You Can Keep It
Q. You can break me without touching me, or even seeing me. What am I?
A. A promise
Toss It Out
Q. When you want to use me, you throw me away. When you're done using me, you bring me in. What am I?
A. An anchor.
Take a Second Look
Q. How many seconds are there in a year?
A. Twelve—January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
Beary Tricky
Q. There is a house with four walls. All of the walls are facing south. A bear is circling the house. What color is the bear? A. White. If all...
A Pork Sport
Q. Why shouldn't you play basketball with a pig?
A. Because it'll hog the ball!
Charging Bull
Q. What's the first thing you should do if a bull charges you?
A. Pay him!
Jeweler vs. Jailer
Q. What's the difference between a jeweler and a prison guard?
A. A jeweler sells watches, and a prison guard watches cells!
Chemist Dogs
Q: What do chemists' dogs do with their bones?
A: They barium!
Cat and Mouse
Q: What did the cat say when the mouse got away?
A: You've got to be kitten me!
Jungle Poker
Q: Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
A: There are too many cheetahs.
Eye of the Hurricane
Q: How does a hurricane see?
A: With its eye.
Cold Corner
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It's always 90 degrees.
Ocean Waving
Q. What did the ocean say to the sailboat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.
Shellfish Loans
Q. Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
A. The prawn broker.
Melted Snowman
Q. What do you call a snowman in July?
A. A puddle.
Shipwreck
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.
Confused Dolphin
Q. What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
A. Can you please be more Pacific?
Bees in the Rain
Q: Can Bees fly in the rain?
A: Not without their yellow jackets.
Queen’s Rain
Q: What is a Queens favorite kind of precipitation?
A: Reign!
Mexico Weather
Q: What is the Mexican weather report?
A: Chili today and hot tamale.
Evaporating Raindrop
Q: What did the evaporating raindrop say?
A: I'm going to pieces.
Roof Shingles
Q: What did the hail storm say to the roof?
A: Hang onto your shingles, this will be no ordinary sprinkles.
Bear Caught in the Rain
Q: What do you call a wet bear?
A: A drizzly bear
Seattle Rain
Q: What do you call two straight days of rain in Seattle?
A: A weekend.
Umbrellas Up
Q: What goes up when the rain comes down?
A: An Umbrella.
Sprinkling Rain
Q: What does it do before it rains candy?
A: It sprinkles!
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Rain Feast
Q: Why did the man use ketchup in the rain?
A: Because it was raining cats and hot dogs
Raindrop Convo
Q: What did one raindrop say to the other?
A: Two's company, three's a cloud
Rapper Rain
Q: Why does Snoop dog need an umbrella?
A: Fo' Drizzle.
Horses and Weather
Q: What's the difference between a horse and the weather?
A: One is reined up and the other rains down.
Raining Money
Q: When does it rain money?
A: When there is "change" in the weather.
King’s Rain
Q: What is a king's favorite kind of precipitation?
A: Hail!
Balloon Music
What kind of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop Music
Musical Snake
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
Musicians Park a Car
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
Lost Keys
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
Duvet Cover
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
Notes of Tea
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
Turkey Talent
How did the turkey win the talent show?
With his drum-sticks.
Notes in a Bar
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender shows them the door and says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
Avocado Jams
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
Dropped Piano
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?
A-flat minor.
Musical Cow
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
Troubled Musician
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
Beethoven’s Favorite Fruit
What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA.
Musical Fiancé
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
Tee Up the Band
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
Play it By Ear
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Buried Musician
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
Musical Threat
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Scandalous Bands
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Too Much Linkin Park
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park.
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.Mickey’s Career Change
Q. Why did Mickey Mouse become an astronaut?
A. So he could visit Pluto!
