A millionaire, a hard hat, and a drunk are at a bar. When they get their beers, they notice a fly in each mug. The millionaire politely asks the bartender for another beer, then proceeds to sip it. The hard hat spills out just enough to get rid of the fly and quaffs the rest. It’s now the drunk’s turn. He sticks his hand into the beer, grabs the fly by the wings, and shouts, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"
I have a question. = I have 18 questions.
I’ll look into it. = I’ve already forgotten about it.
I tried my best. = I did the bare minimum.
Happy to discuss further. = Don… Read More
The Revenant (2015). An epic tale of one man’s desperate journey to do whatever it takes to finally win an Oscar.
@badbanana (Tim Siedell)
Luke Skywalker is my favorite hero that looks 100 percent prepared to figure skate at all times.
@thenatewolf (Nathan Usher)
If growing up in the ’80s taught me one thing, it’s that my friends and I should have found a treasure map by now.
Watch The Walking Dead with someone who’s super into it so every time a zombie appears, you can pull the old, “Wait, who’s this, now?”
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
The party’s host paid me a great compliment. “You are a good-looking woman,” he said. “Honest—I’ve had only one beer.”
My glow was only slightly dimmed when my husband interjected, “Imagine how great she’ll look after two.”
Rosemary Tomy, Tucson, Arizona
I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.
“Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked.
“Yes,” I said. “They hurt my feelings.”
A. P., via e-mail