I Saw a Wino…

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, “Dude, you have to wait.”

—Mitch Hedberg

  • Categories: Funny Quotes, One-Liners

    10 Quotes About Springtime

    Funny, uplifting and silly quotes about this beautiful time…

    Your Move

    “I was playing chess with my friend, and he said…

    What Doesn’t Kill Ya…

    Nobody wants a pain reliever that’s anything less than…

    Roe v. Wade

    I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of…

    The Obituary of Martin Levine

    “Martin Levine, owner of a movie theater chain in New…

    Lincoln on Lock Down

    I don’t know if you’ve ever had only five…

    In a Food Court Near You

    I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happy…

    It’s What We’re All Thinking, Anyway

    I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and…

    Come on, Science

    It’s absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone…

    Positive Thinking

    Maybe fear is God’s way of saying, “Pay…

    Parental Warning

    My father established our relationship when I was seven…

    Wasn’t Me

    Responsible? Who wants to be responsible? Whenever…

    At Your Service

    Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire…

    Melville v. Schwarzenegger

    Something very sad about the fact that I haven’t read…

    3.14 Pieces to be Exact

    Stress cannot exist in the presence of pie. —David Mamet…

    Diaper Duty

    The baby is great. My wife and I have just started potty…

    Six Degrees of Separation

    The Internet also makes it extraordinarily difficult for me…

    Also Known as a Smart Man

    A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s…

    The Millennial Breakfast Club

    The Internet is just a world passing notes around a…

    Food: 1. Man: 0.

    The meal is not over when I’m full. The meal is over…