There was a notice that appeared in my mailbox. It told me I was required to go to court as a witness against someone whose name I did not recognize. Calling for more information, I found out my notice was for reporting a driver who had illegally passed my stopped school bus—ten years ago when I had been driving a bus part time.
The appearance date was the same time as my night class, so I called to see if my court appearance could be rescheduled. Two days later someone returned my call.
"We cannot push the date back," they said. The reason? "The accused is entitled to a speedy trial."
Why are Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen always wet? Because they are rain deer.
Did you hear that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer never went to school? That's right—he was…
Why does Santa have three garden plots up at the North Pole? That way he can hoe, hoe, hoe!
Who delivers Christmas presents to good little sharks when they're sleeping? Santa Jaws!
What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple.
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? Gee, I'll never part with it!
What does December have that other months don't have? The letter D.
What is a lion's favorite Christmas carol? Jungle Bells.
Why did the children call St. Nick "Santa Caus"? Because there was Noël.
What did the reindeer say before telling his joke?This one'll sleigh you!
—Source: Tulsa World
—Source: Charleston Daily Mail
Never eat more than you can lift. —Miss Piggy
I gave my cat a bath the other day ... they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, and it was fun…
I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of…
A feminist jumps out of a manhole … oh, and she didn't like that. —Bill Bailey
On January 20, 2009, we watch as President Barack Obama takes the oath of office. We’ve rounded…
Funny, uplifting and silly quotes about this beautiful time of year.
More Funny Stuff