Funny Puns

NEW FUNNY JOKES

What do You Call a Line...

Q: What do you call a line of rabbits hopping…

Did You Hear About the Vegan Devil...

Did you hear about the vegan devil…

Who Taught You That?

“Give me a sentence about a public servant,”…

The Wisdom of a Defeated Husband

My husband was cramming all his chores into one…

How Do You Get Down...

Q: How do you get down from an elephant? A:…

She Shoots, She Scores!

Why should you never breakup with a…

Why Are Frogs...

Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat…

With Pointed Fangs I...

Q: With pointed fangs I sit and wait; with…

Expired Logic

Why is there an expiration date on sour…

The Reader, The Writer, And The Lion

A lion comes across two 
men, one reading and…

Candied Scams

Where are all the Sour Patch…

Did You Hear About the New E-reader?

Did you hear about the new e-reader? Reader’s…

Why Do We Tell Actors...

Why do we tell actors to "break a…

Why Aren't Dogs...

Q: Why aren't dogs good dancers? A: Because…

What Kind of Coat...

Q: What kind of coat is always wet when you put…

Dive Right In

What did one boat say to the other? "Are you up…

Why Do Cows Have Bells...

Q: Why do cows have bells? A: Because their…

A Juggler, a Tightrope Walker, and a Clown...

Q: A juggler, a tightrope walker, and a clown…

How Many Seconds...

Q: How many seconds are there in one year? A:…

Why Are Football Stadiums...

Q: Why are football stadiums so cool? A:…

Which Is Faster...

Q: Which is faster, heat or cold? A: Heat…

Why Is Six Afraid...

Q: Why is the number six afraid of seven? A:…

A chilling realization

As soon as the hospital made me put on one of…

I saw a documentary on...

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept…

When I was a child...

When I was a child my father attacked me with…

What does Charles Dickens...

Q: What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice…

What's the different between a cat...

Q: What's the different between a cat and a…

Which dinosaur knew...

Q: Which dinosaur knew the most…

Why do artists...

Why do artists constantly feel…

What a Waste of Time

My nine-year-old and I passed 
a store with a…

Lampooning Lance

Two Hollywood studios want to bring Lance…

The Road to Recovery

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly…

No Umbrellas at the North Pole?

Why are Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen always…

Reindeer Lessons

Did you hear that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer…

Green Thumb?

Why does Santa have three garden plots up at the…

Great White Christmas

Who delivers Christmas presents to good little…

Oh, iGet It

What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree…

Comb On!

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a…

Laughing All the Way!

What is a lion's favorite Christmas…

Kids Say the Darnedest Things

Why did the children call St. Nick "Santa Caus"?…

Open Mic Night at the North Pole

What did the reindeer say before telling his…

Christmas in Eden

What did Adam say the day before Christmas?It’s…

Yule Log

Knock! Knock! Who's there? Yule…

Don't Sweat the Petty Things

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the…

Clones

Clones are people two.

Better Than His Ghoul-Cousin...

Q: Who did Frankenstein's monster bring to…

Muy Picante

Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets…

We All KEA!

My first day on the job at an IKEA store, I was…

A Particular Problem

You just can’t trust atoms—they make up…

Cross-eyed Conversation

What did one eye say to the other? "Don't look…

Convex

Knock! Knock! Who's…

Punster's Theorem

Algebra teacher: "What is seven Q plus three…

Weekly Poker Game

Did you hear about the weekly poker game with…

My Wife was in Labor...

My wife was in labor with our first child when…

How Does Moses Make Tea?

How does Moses make tea? He brews.

Soul Singing Duck

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put…

Job Security

Reddit.com asked workers: What is rule number one…

Humor Thieves

Why can’t you explain puns to…

Would You Like to Join …

The Yoko Club? Oh no. The German Philosophy…

Runaway Bagel

How do you keep a bagel from getting away? Put…

The Human Cannonball

The human cannonball tells the circus owner he is…

The Pun Contest

There was a man who entered a pun contest. He…

A Bothersome Brother

Why can't a woman ask her brother for…

An Unbalanced Bike

Why do bicycles fall over? Because they are…

Why Were All the Ink Spots Crying?

Why were all the ink spots crying? Their…

Replacements

As I helped my elderly neighbor clean out his…

Too Short

The insurance industry loves its acronyms. The…

Twitter Addiction

A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I'm…

A Believer

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because…

Funny E-Mail

Some people have a knack for remembering faces…

Got Change?

Since my purchases came to $19.06, I handed the…

Who Will Win?

I was watching a marathon and saw one runner…

A Great Position

One of the less difficult blanks to fill in on…

Famous Characters

While I was performing in a show outside Chicago…

Diagnosis

If you are always straightening things, you have…

Explaining My Job

It’s often a challenge to explain to…

New Words

There are over a million words in the English…

House Keeping

My 17-year-old niece was looking for a job, so…

Step Ladder

I was out in the garden with my stepladder today…

Ghostwriter

My house is haunted by a ghostwriter. Last night…

Scottish Folk

A helicopter loses power over a remote Scottish…

Name Game

"You need to be careful when writing…

In Demand

After I took a job at a small publishing house…

Superpowers

I posed this question to my thoughtful father:…

The King and His Men

A dull-witted king is losing a territorial…

Flight of the Buzzard

Carrying two dead raccoons, a buzzard tries to…

Stripping Titles

We disbar lawyers and we defrock clergy, so why…

Guilty

‘Where is everybody?" the cowpoke…

Peace in the Middle East

We were discussing the Middle East when my friend…

In the Stomach

A man goes to the doctor complaining about…

Street Name

Before the shopper could pay for her groceries…

Talk Like a Pirate

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on…

Get the Hook!

What did the ill comic say in the hospital?…

Call Waiting

My son, Scott, an insurance broker in Florida…

Adopted Watchers

Tiffany adopts two dogs, and she names them Rolex…

Changing Ways

Most people would be angry if their company was…

Losing Limbs

The gladiator was having a rough day in the…

The Salesman

What do you call a Far Eastern monk who sells…

Someone Special

A Harley rider eating in a restaurant is checking…