Funny Puns

Read enough of our funny puns, and you'll be punstoppable. (Sorry.)

NEW FUNNY JOKES

Grammar Kills

The village blacksmith hired an enthusiastic new…

Metal Bands For Kids

Unlocking The Truth, a heavy metal band made up…

Bad, Better, Best

3 Musketeers is a good name 
for a chocolate…

Put-Downs Down Under

A Briton flies into Australia 
and is asked by…

A Bargain You Shouldn't Pass Over

A Pennsylvania couple had trouble selling their…

Who's the Real Turkey?

What do Black Friday shoppers and the…

10-Pin Puns

I recently stumbled upon 
my favorite new…

Barbershop Blunders

The barbershop was crowded, 
so the woman at…

Redneck Movie Quotes

Famous film quotes get the 
redneck…

The Perpetual Pizza Pun-Off

A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts…

Popular NSA Pick-Up Lines

“Did you fall from heaven? Because there’s no…

I Invented a New Word:

plagiarism. Submitted by M. R.

The Device Too Big To Fail

I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it…

Zero Sum Puns

The problem with math puns is that calculus jokes…

Zen and the Art of Breakfast

Hear about the new restaurant called…

New World Gambling

Did you hear about the weekly poker game with…

What's The Best Thing...

Q: What’s the best thing about…

Where Do Geeks Go...

Q: Where do geeks go for a good time? A: A…

Cluck Life

Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors? A:…

What's Brown and...

Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.

A Joke of Little Value...

Q: Did you hear about the mathematician who’s…

Why Should 288...

Q: Why should the number 288 never be…

Why do Mathematicians...

Q: Why do mathematicians like parks? A:…

Noah and the Snakes

With the Ark settled safely after the flood, Noah…

What do You Call a Number...

Q: What do you call a number that can't keep…

Vice President of Rock

Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar? A: An…

Solve for XX

Q: Why don’t Calculus majors throw house…

Infinitely Many Mathematicians...

Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar…

Law of Diminishing Returns

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some…

What do You Call a Line...

Q: What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping…

Did You Hear About the Vegan Devil...

Did you hear about the vegan devil…

Who Taught You That?

“Give me a sentence about a public servant,”…

The Wisdom of a Defeated Husband

My husband was cramming all his chores into one…

How Do You Get Down...

Q: How do you get down from an elephant? A:…

She Shoots, She Scores!

Why should you never breakup with a…

Why Are Frogs...

Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat…

With Pointed Fangs I...

Q: With pointed fangs I sit and wait; with…

Expired Logic

Why is there an expiration date on sour…

The Reader, The Writer, And The Lion

A lion comes across two 
men, one reading and…

Candied Scams

Where are all the Sour Patch…

Did You Hear About the New E-reader?

Did you hear about the new e-reader? Reader’s…

Why Do We Tell Actors...

Why do we tell actors to "break a…

Why Aren't Dogs...

Q: Why aren't dogs good dancers? A: Because…

What Kind of Coat...

Q: What kind of coat is always wet when you put…

Dive Right In

What did one boat say to the other? "Are you up…

Why Do Cows Have Bells...

Q: Why do cows have bells? A: Because their…

A Juggler, a Tightrope Walker, and a Clown...

Q: A juggler, a tightrope walker, and a clown…

How Many Seconds...

Q: How many seconds are there in one year? A:…

Why Are Football Stadiums...

Q: Why are football stadiums so cool? A:…

Which Is Faster...

Q: Which is faster, heat or cold? A: Heat…

Why Is Six Afraid...

Q: Why is the number six afraid of seven? A:…

A chilling realization

As soon as the hospital made me put on one of…

I saw a documentary on...

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept…

When I was a child...

When I was a child my father attacked me with…

What does Charles Dickens...

Q: What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice…

What's the different between a cat...

Q: What's the different between a cat and a…

Which dinosaur knew...

Q: Which dinosaur knew the most…

Why do artists...

Why do artists constantly feel…

What a Waste of Time

My nine-year-old and I passed 
a store with a…

Lampooning Lance

Two Hollywood studios want to bring Lance…

The Road to Recovery

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly…

No Umbrellas at the North Pole?

Q: Why are Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen…

Reindeer Lessons

Did you hear that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer…

Green Thumb?

Q: Why does Santa have three garden plots up at…

Great White Christmas

Q: Who delivers Christmas presents to good little…

Oh, iGet It

Q: What do you get when you combine a Christmas…

Comb On!

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a…

Laughing All the Way!

Q: What is a lion's favorite Christmas…

Kids Say the Darnedest Things

Q: Why did the children call St. Nick "Santa…

Open Mic Night at the North Pole

Q: What did the reindeer say before telling his…

Christmas in Eden

Q: What did Adam say the day before…

Yule Log

Knock! Knock! Who's there? Yule…

Don't Sweat the Petty Things

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the…

Clones

Clones are people two.

Better Than His Ghoul-Cousin...

Q: Who did Frankenstein's monster bring to…

Muy Picante

Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets…

We All KEA!

My first day on the job at an IKEA store, I was…

A Particular Problem

You just can’t trust atoms—they make up…

Cross-eyed Conversation

What did one eye say to the other? "Don't look…

Convex

Knock! Knock! Who's…

Punster's Theorem

Algebra teacher: "What is seven Q plus three…

Cannibal Humor

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal…

Weekly Poker Game

Did you hear about the weekly poker game with…

My Wife was in Labor...

My wife was in labor with our first child when…

How Does Moses Make Tea?

How does Moses make tea? He brews.

Soul Singing Duck

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put…

Job Security

Reddit.com asked workers: What is rule number one…

Humor Thieves

Why can’t you explain puns to…

Would You Like to Join …

The Yoko Club? Oh no. The German Philosophy…

Runaway Bagel

How do you keep a bagel from getting away? Put…

The Human Cannonball

The human cannonball tells the circus owner he is…

The Pun Contest

There was a man who entered a pun contest. He…

A Bothersome Brother

Why can't a woman ask her brother for…

An Unbalanced Bike

Why do bicycles fall over? Because they are…

Why Were All the Ink Spots Crying?

Why were all the ink spots crying? Their…

Replacements

As I helped my elderly neighbor clean out his…

Too Short

The insurance industry loves its acronyms. The…

Twitter Addiction

A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I'm…

A Believer

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because…

Funny E-Mail

Some people have a knack for remembering faces…