Puns

Read enough of our funny puns, and you'll be punstoppable. (Sorry.)

Q: What did the schizophrenic bookkeeper say?

A: I hear invoices! Stephen Pickering, Marshall, Michigan

I Like My Men Like I Like My …

Sweatpants—Warm. Resilient. 
Covered in cookie crumbs…

The Subway Sign Pun-Off

A London commuter hurrying to a job interview pushed and…

The Smell of Delta

Delta Airlines is infusing its cabins with a…

A Tough Question, by Zach Galifianakis

At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell 
a…

Ahead of the Competition

My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records. He has had 44…

Why Did The Chicken Go to…

Q: Why did the chicken go to the 
séance? A: To get to…

Parenting, the Dad-Joke Way

My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting…

The Worst Streets in America

We can’t all live on a street with a pleasant name like…

Matthew Wohlfarth on Exercise

I work out religiously—Christmas and Easter. Submitted by…

Zen Koans for the Internet Age

• If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still…

Hedberg on Highlights

I got my hair highlighted because I thought some strands…

If the Ten Commandments were Written by Popular Websites

I. What You Need to Know Now About the Lord Totally Being…

Steer Clear of this Joke

A farmer counted 196 cows in 
the field. But when he…

Over-the-Hill Band Names

Do you still rock out to eight-track tapes? Then you’ll…

Worst First Sentence

The annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest honors purposely…

Winter Punderland

As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, the woman…

Dad Jokes from Granddad

None of my grandsons share my corny sense of humor. When…

Warning Labels We can Really Use:

Google: “Warning! You may find more than what you’re…

How do You Drown a Hipster?

Throw him into the mainstream. Submitted by Jesse Rehn…

Grammar Kills

The village blacksmith hired an enthusiastic new apprentice…

Metal Bands For Kids

Unlocking The Truth, a heavy metal band made up of eighth…

Bad, Better, Best

3 Musketeers is a good name 
for a chocolate bar, but a…

Put-Downs Down Under

A Briton flies into Australia 
and is asked by the…

A Bargain You Shouldn't Pass Over

A Pennsylvania couple had trouble selling their home after…

Who's the Real Turkey?

What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey…

10-Pin Puns

I recently stumbled upon 
my favorite new sports team…

Barbershop Blunders

The barbershop was crowded, 
so the woman at the cash…

Redneck Movie Quotes

Famous film quotes get the 
redneck treatment: • “You…

The Perpetual Pizza Pun-Off

A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf…

Popular NSA Pick-Up Lines

“Did you fall from heaven? Because there’s no tracking…

I Invented a New Word:

plagiarism. Submitted by M. R.

The Device Too Big To Fail

I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it…

Zero Sum Puns

The problem with math puns is that calculus jokes are all…

Zen and the Art of Breakfast

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no…

New World Gambling

Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da…

What’s The Best Thing…

Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland? A: Not sure…

Where Do Geeks Go…

Q: Where do geeks go for a good time? A: A wonky-tonk. Jack…

Cluck Life

Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors? A: If it had…

What’s Brown and…

Q: What’s brown and sticky? A: A stick.

A Joke of Little Value…

Q: Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of…

Why Should 288…

Q: Why should the number 288 never be mentioned? A:…

Why do Mathematicians…

Q: Why do mathematicians like parks? A: Because of all the…

Noah and the Snakes

With the Ark settled safely after the flood, Noah opens the…

What do You Call a Number…

Q: What do you call a number that can’t keep still?…

Vice President of Rock

Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar? A: An Algorithm

Solve for XX

Q: Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties? A:…

Infinitely Many Mathematicians…

Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first…

Law of Diminishing Returns

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their…