Puns

As I helped my elderly neighbor clean out his garage, I stumbled upon an ax in the corner. "That was my grandfather's," he said, picking it up and running his fingers along the blade. "Of course, it's been through three new heads…

The insurance industry loves its acronyms. The first time I saw the term proof of ownership was in a client's file that read "Insured has POO on damaged items."

A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I'm addicted to Twitter!" The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don't follow you …"

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face …

I was watching a marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another as an egg. I thought, Now, this could be interesting.

One of the less difficult blanks to fill in on our job-agency application is "Position Wanted." One job seeker wrote "Sitting."

While I was performing in a show outside Chicago, there was a gentleman who could often be found hanging around the lobby. Every¬one called him the Marquis. One day, I asked the artistic director if he'd gotten the nickname…

If you are always straightening things, you have OCD. If you are always eating things, you have OBCD.

It’s often a challenge to explain to strangers exactly what I do in the aerospace industry. At one gathering, I didn’t even try. I just said, "I’m a defense contractor." One of the guys was intrigued…

There are over a million words in the English language, but we can always use more. Here are some that wordsmiths contributed to the Merriam-Webster Open Dictionary website: Epiphunny (noun): The moment of sudden revelation when one…